To the Tune of “We’re Ready” by Boston.
Lyrics by Me, idea by Cousin Chris,

Spaghetti galore
Its filling up the void inside you
We’ll make up some more
The garlic bread will have to tide you
You’ll be cleaning the sauce off your clothing tonight
And you know that your pants will be feeling too tight
It builds cellulite

Who needs a reason
This pasta is great, what is the season–
-ing I feel like I’ve never have tasted before
Don’t worry about what you dropped on the floor
I’m ready for more
I’m ready for more
With bolognaise

Spaghetti now
Spaghetti for me to chow down
Steady now
Our kitchen will need a hose down
You’ll be cleaning the sauce off your clothing tonight
And you know that your pants will be feeling too tight
It builds cellulite

Lexington Green

When summoned by the horseman’s cry
from breaking fast and tending barns
The Yeoman farmers trained response
was to secure their ready arms

The nineteenth dawn that April bore
revealed a revolutionary scene
Captain Parker’s men had met
to learn the news on Lexington Green

But red clad soldiers marched all night
From landing ships on Cambridge shore
And through Lexington they’d pass
En route to capture Concord’s Store

Lieutenant William Sutherland
Called to the men across the sward
Commanding them “Disperse Ye Rebels
Ye Villains, most unruly mob.”

Outnumbered, Captain Parker’s men
were ordered to disperse once more
But chaos and uncertainty
lay beneath the fog of war

Who fired first? the tales suggest
Perhaps a sniper off the scene
but British shot and bayonets
Killed nine men on Lexington Green

Lieutenant Colonel Francis Smith
Arriving with three companies
Ordered drumbeats for the march
To Concord’s Bridge and history

In Concord town the Minutemen
Had learned of Lexington’s Melee
On Punkatasset over-watched
As Redcoats made their first foray

Searching houses, barns and fields
for weapons cached and powder kegs
but long since moved and all they found
were milk and barely, ham and eggs

When searching soldiers caught the site
Of mounds fresh piled in the fields
And ready spades we turned to dig
And three great cannon were revealed

But as they searched, the Minutemen
From Acton, Bedford, and Westford
Joined the Lincoln men above
The Concord rivers northern shore

A Regiment of militiamen
descended  Punkatasset Ridge
assaulted Captain Parson’s Force
assigned to guard the Northern Bridge

The Regulars formed to volley fire
As if for warfare in the town
A warning shot rang out and then
the musket balls were raining down

They fled their post and headed south
to form with Regiments complete
and leaving off their fruitless search
the British Colonel called retreat

The local men who took the bridge
Had learned to shoot when they were Boys
Some had marched to Montreal
To fight the French and Iroquois

At Meriam’s Corner, and Brooks Hill
The local muskets took their toll
and passing through the ambuscade
at Bloody Angle Thirty  fell

At last they came back to the field
where shot had shattered dawn serene
And Parker had then his revenge
Upon the sward of Lexington Green


Tyrone you are an artist of the ultimate degree
Your work I say if the truth be told
Is awesome, terrible a marvel to behold
Unfortunately I haven’t even one half hour free

So much to do but yet so little time
trying to plan all of the festivities
the country of Florin’s anniversary
Ensuring the wedding will just be devine
I can’t do everything I want
I’m Swamped

In the parade all the nobles will march
and if Duke follows baron the unrest will spread
And all these decisions will fall on my head
Which villain to hang from the victory arch
Everybody has something they want
I’m Swamped

Then theres the seating inside of the church
Ensuring we have the right food for the feast
Who will get Salmon or Chicken or Beef
None of the Nobles can be left in the lurch

Seating my Uncle Near my Aunt
I’m swamped

It certainly is hard waiting to be king
If I might be so bold as to suggest
set aside some time to get sufficient rest
If your’ve not your health you don’t have anything

You look just a little gaunt
You’re swamped

Inigo’s Tale

The city of Toledo
gathered much acclaim
known for great sword makers
The best in all of Spain

The finest was  Domingo
His sword were straight and true
His family name: Montoya
That is my last name too.

One day we had a visit
From a most important man
He needed a custom foil
For his six fingered right hand

My father loved the challenge
and said he’d forge it right
for weeks he worked unstopping
from dawn to late at night

The six-fingered man demanded the saber
at one tenth the price agreed on at the start
my father refused and the six-fingered man
slashed my father right through the heart.

I loved my father dearly
he raised me to be true
though I was but eleven
I challenged him to a duel

The man he left me bleeding
with the marks you see here
That’s the last time I saw him
It has been twenty years

Twenty years of training
to duel as best I can
Twenty years of searching
For the Six Fingered man

I will find my father’s murderer
I will look him in the eye and say
Hello my name is Inigo Montoya
You Killed my Father
Prepare to Die.

Brawns, Brain, and Steel

This one is a minor I-IV-II-V number based on a melody I wrote a long time ago.  It is acappella until Fezzik starts.

Brawn, Brains and Steel

Vizzini: I was wondering if you’d help us
We’re performers from the circus
Lady up there on your horse
Can you help us find our course

How far to the closest town
Buttercup: There is none for miles around
Vizzini:There is no one near this scene
so nobody will hear you scream

Fezzik: If you want a job done right
bring along a man of might

Inigo: To bring the plan into accord
get yourself a hired sword.

Vizzini: For a plan thats circumspect
needs a cunning intellect

For proper execution you’d best combine
Fezzik:My strength
Inigo: My Sword
Vizzini: My mind

First of all you need a plan
Vizzini he is your man
If you have some heavy work
You get Fezzik, the might Turk

To protect your gotten gain
Inigo the sword from Spain
The only way to close the deal
You need brawn and brains and steel.

If you’ve a mission coming on
you need steel and brains and brawn

The Princess Bride Song

Second Scene, where Humperdinck Proposes.  This expands on the movie, using some details from the book.

The Princess Bride

Buttercup, far I have traveled

I’ve ranged this domain I command

Seeking a suitable Princess

To become the Queen of the Land

In the far corner of Florin

I heard the tale of a Girl

Possessing spectacular beauty

Unrivaled in all of the world

It may be that your birth is common

But by the most noble of Arts

I see the majestic potential

Encased in you delicate Heart

Buttercup hear my decision

It took not long to decide

The law of the land shall support me

Buttercup shall be my Bride

Hear me now People of Florin

one month from this moment here

Our Country will have been founded

Exactly 500 years

At sundown of that very evening

A Lady will stand at my side

Florin will have a new Princess

And I shall take her as my bride

Not long ago she was common

In A farm house she was seen

Now you will find she’s is Noble

And Regal as befits your Queen

Would you now like to behold her

The Joy overflows from my cup

The Princess that soon I will Marry

Behold Princess Buttercup

Buttercup your heart is empty

Consumed as it were by a flame

that burnt away all your ambition

and left you with nothing but pain

I know you claim not to love me

I hope that will alter with time

Someday your pain will diminish

One day you will cease to pine

Perhaps the fault lies in this castle

solid stone walls that surround

your home was open and verdant

You may crave to travel the open ground

A breath of fresh are will revive you

Comfort will find you outside

You’ll find your horse has been saddled

Buttercup please take a ride

As You Wish

This is my take on the Princess Bride as a Musical. I’ve written it as a light Opera: all scenes will be sung. I have melody lines and chords for most songs.  I’ll post each number individually.

Act One, Scene One:

As you Wish

Buttercup was a beauty
With but two things to enjoy
Going horseback riding
And tormenting her Farm Boy.

Buttercup: Farm boy I require
More wood for the Fire
And then my horses saddle you will polish
Give it such a sheen
My face can be seen
And all you say is simply “As you wish.”

As the seasons pass
I more gently ask
Farmboy, would you please fetch me that dish.
And as I watch your eyes
I begin to realize
There may be something in that “As you wish.”

As you wish is all you say
But your eyes give you away
And my last bit of resistance seem to vanish
While you silently subserve
I can finally observe
What you really mean when you say “As you wish.”

This trip you must take
You’re fortune for to make
“I’ll always come for you”, I hear you say
And though you say its so
I ask you how you know
“True love doesn’t happen every day.”

“As you wish” I hear you say
As I watch you sail away
The horizon makes your vessel vanish
Once your gone I will abide
Know that I will hold inside
The echo of you saying “As you wish.”

Pirates Roberts took your ship
No survivors left of it
Condemning me to live on in anguish
For my love has passed away
I will never hear you say
Your quiet phase of loving
“As you wish.”

What’s wrong with me

(Lyrics Composed while jogging some years back and dedicated to my wife)

When I was a little boy

I had a schoolyard crush

There was a little dark haired girl

I wanted very much

Instead I go rejection,

delivered brutally

Hey, what’s wrong with me?

Starting out, a first career

my enthusiasm burst

When the time came to evaluate

my performance was the worst

I worked so long, I tried so hard,

oh no, this cannot be

Hey’ what’s wrong with me?

Looking back at all my life,

have I done the whole thing wrong?

When will I find happiness,

and where will I belong

We shared a dance we shared a kiss

The kiss was very nice

you called me back to break our date

but then you called me twice.

A brand new occupation

that fits me perfectly

there’s nothing wrong with me

nothing, major, wrong with me.

(Inspired by the standard “Everything happens to me”)